Summer time in the city.

Isn't my sister the cutest? I know right. This is from a couple of weeks ago. We busted out the sprinkler and water gun and played in the hot sun.
Amelie is four now...blows my mind everytime I think about it. One day I will watch her graduate from kindergarten, then 6th grade, then junior high, then the big high school graduation. The other day she said "I can't wait to 'con-gradu-macation' from high school. we will go to chilis with Joshie and Jordan. then i want to go to college like you". She is amazing. We are really different but i think if we were too much alike we would hate each other. Amelie is strong minded(more so than me) and has a will as strong as a thousand oxen. She will go so far in her life, she throws caution to the wind and has hope in absolutely everything. I want all things great for her. Sometimes I get to caught up in my crazy life; that I lose track of time and how much I don't have with her. She says it way to frequently when I come home "Lets (insert activity), I have lots of time. I keep it right here in my pocket". She is something else. Amelie is the greatest thing that has come into my life, from the moment my parents told me I was going to have a sibling to the day she was born. She loves me and I love her. I need to keep track of this time I have with her, because all time with our loved ones on this earth is limited. I am going to savor every bit of it.

Dear Blog...

I am so sorry I haven't wrote in so long...
my life is busy...
I know that isn't an excuse, but its the truth.
I need to start writing,
there is so much to update.
Too much inside that desperately needs be let out. I will be better.
Quick run down;

1. My sister is getting bigger and brighter everyday.

2. Kevin and I are doing great, he is wonderful and makes me smile.

3.I got to see my good friend Jo, she is going to have a baby. I am so happy for her.

4.Amelie had her first visit to the zoo. It was incredibly fun. I love my sister so much.

5. His name is Brady J. and I love him so much. He is one now and the cutest thing ever. He calls my dad mom.

6. Dad bought Amelie a dog. Dee calls it a gay bat. Her name is socks, she is a bad ass.

7. My mom and Amelie are some of my favorite people, they play pranks and tease. People used to say I looked like my mom and was her twin. Then amelie came along, they are so similiar it makes me laugh.

8. My hair is getting REALLY long, I missed it but now I am ready to cut it off again. Kevin loves it, boys don't understand long hair and how much shampoo and product it requires.

9. Cat Palmer took photos of my sister and I. She is an amazing photographer and person. I am so lucky to call her a friend. This one is my favorite, Amelie is something else huh?

10. I have had more success in my photography. I have people who follow my page on facebook. People pay me to take pictures and I wish I could do it every single day. One day, one day soon hopefully.


Well that is just the tip of the iceberg. I will write more, promise.

Things for mending...

Phone call after phone call.
2 am text messages of regret and anger.
I am passive. I try and try to mend us.
The seams are worn completely.
The tears cannot be fixed.
Patches fall off.
I iron, stitch, surge, and sew until my hands are raw and bleed.
My love I cannot fix it if you keep moving.
I do not mean to prick you with the pins...
I cannot focus over all of the yelling and tears.
I will always want to fix you.
I will always want to fix us.
I will always want...
Always. Always. Always.
Alas my machine has rusted.
The spool has run dry of that thread that I stitched every moment we had together.
The needles are broken and dull.
There are no more thimbles to protect my bare naked skin...
My hands are callused and strong from the mending...
But let me remind you, needles and pins still draw blood.
They still leave these scars of apologies and unquenched redemption.
These hands are worn and tired...
These hands will still love you...
These hands will always catch you...
These hands will always attempt to fix your restless body...
Always. Always. Always.

The Holiday Season

So I am well aware that this post is ridiculously delayed, but because you love you won't mind right?

This past holiday season was interesting...

My current boyfriend met my family for the first time on Thanksgiving. I met his. We were both super nervous but it went over well. 

Christmas was a blur. My aunts came into town for Christmas and we had celebration after celebration of birthdays and finally the big day, Christmas. 

I often start to forget what the holiday season is supposed to be about with all of the stress of finals and money for presents. Thats when the beautiful 3 year old sister I have reminds me of what truly matters.

Christmas seems to mean more now that there is a child in our home again. As adults we tend to turn the most beautiful things into stressors and things to be faught over.

For a child, it is simple. The way it was always meant to be. 

Even though the holidays tend to remind you of disfunctional ones family is, let us all keep this in mind.

We were all once 3 years who anticipated a holiday of some sort. With pure unrelented, untainted joy.

A personal goal for me this year is to savor every moment I have with this beautiful little girl. Because one day she will grow up, and won't run into my room on christmas morning cheering. One day stresses and distractions will taint her simple and pure perspective. Her soft skin will thicken and she will carry the worries of her world on her small shoulders. Now are moments that I will always cherish. One day remind her that once upon a time not to long ago, she once made her life as simple as princess gowns, cupcakes, snow angels, happy faces, tea parties, letters to santa claus and carrots for reindeer. So that hopefully she can keep it that simple.