Things for mending...

Phone call after phone call.
2 am text messages of regret and anger.
I am passive. I try and try to mend us.
The seams are worn completely.
The tears cannot be fixed.
Patches fall off.
I iron, stitch, surge, and sew until my hands are raw and bleed.
My love I cannot fix it if you keep moving.
I do not mean to prick you with the pins...
I cannot focus over all of the yelling and tears.
I will always want to fix you.
I will always want to fix us.
I will always want...
Always. Always. Always.
Alas my machine has rusted.
The spool has run dry of that thread that I stitched every moment we had together.
The needles are broken and dull.
There are no more thimbles to protect my bare naked skin...
My hands are callused and strong from the mending...
But let me remind you, needles and pins still draw blood.
They still leave these scars of apologies and unquenched redemption.
These hands are worn and tired...
These hands will still love you...
These hands will always catch you...
These hands will always attempt to fix your restless body...
Always. Always. Always.

The Holiday Season

So I am well aware that this post is ridiculously delayed, but because you love you won't mind right?

This past holiday season was interesting...

My current boyfriend met my family for the first time on Thanksgiving. I met his. We were both super nervous but it went over well. 

Christmas was a blur. My aunts came into town for Christmas and we had celebration after celebration of birthdays and finally the big day, Christmas. 

I often start to forget what the holiday season is supposed to be about with all of the stress of finals and money for presents. Thats when the beautiful 3 year old sister I have reminds me of what truly matters.

Christmas seems to mean more now that there is a child in our home again. As adults we tend to turn the most beautiful things into stressors and things to be faught over.

For a child, it is simple. The way it was always meant to be. 

Even though the holidays tend to remind you of disfunctional ones family is, let us all keep this in mind.

We were all once 3 years who anticipated a holiday of some sort. With pure unrelented, untainted joy.

A personal goal for me this year is to savor every moment I have with this beautiful little girl. Because one day she will grow up, and won't run into my room on christmas morning cheering. One day stresses and distractions will taint her simple and pure perspective. Her soft skin will thicken and she will carry the worries of her world on her small shoulders. Now are moments that I will always cherish. One day remind her that once upon a time not to long ago, she once made her life as simple as princess gowns, cupcakes, snow angels, happy faces, tea parties, letters to santa claus and carrots for reindeer. So that hopefully she can keep it that simple.